As we get older, society often perpetuates the myth that our sex lives will inevitably decline. However, relationship expert Esther Perel believes quite the opposite. In her decades of experience as a couple’s therapist, Perel has found that sex can actually improve with age. Let’s explore why.
Acceptance of Ourselves and Our Partners
In our youth, we often place unrealistic expectations on our appearances and sexual performance. However, as we mature we tend to become more accepting of ourselves and our partners. We put less pressure on looking or acting a certain way in the bedroom. This self-acceptance and compassion for our partners can free us up to embrace intimacy more fully.
Knowledge of Our Own Needs
Over time, many of us gain a deeper understanding of what brings us pleasure and satisfaction sexually. We’re more comfortable communicating our wants and needs. Our partners reciprocate and sex becomes an intimate dance where both needs are met.
The Thrill of Defying Expectations
There persists a societal myth that after a certain age, we become less attractive and lose our zest for sex. Defying these unrealistic expectations can bring a sense of joy, excitement and rebelliousness to sex that was lacking before.
Taking Sex Less Seriously
When sex is no longer about reproduction or performance, we are free to have more fun with it. A playful sense of humor and willingness to experiment sexually often blossoms with age. We learn not to take sex so seriously and flow more freely with intimacy.
More Connection and Intimacy
With maturity often comes increased confidence, communication skills, emotional intelligence and the ability to be present with our partners. This deepens intimacy and connection during sex, heightening arousal and satisfaction for both partners.
FAQ
How can sex improve as I age?
As you age, you often become more self-accepting and confident in voicing your needs, deepening intimacy with your partner. Defying societal expectations also allows for more playfulness, fun and experimentation.
Does attractiveness really decline with age?
While appearance inevitably changes as we age, many people find their partners just as or even more attractive as time goes by. Beauty and magnetism comes from within.
What if I’m having sexual issues due to health problems?
If new health issues are interfering with your sex life, have an open discussion with your partner. There are often creative solutions, such as changing positions, using toys or medications. The key is communication.
What if my partner is less interested in sex than me?
If desire discrepancy is becoming an issue for you, have an honest discussion with your partner about both your needs. Oftentimes through open communication, compromise can be found that satisfies both partners.
When should I consider help from a sex therapist?
If you’ve noticed a dramatic change in your sex life that is troubling to you or your partner, or issues persist over time, it may be helpful to get support from a qualified sex therapist or counselor.
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