Separation Anxiety in Children and Adults: Tips for Managing It

Defining Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety involves excessive distress when separated from home or those to whom we have strong attachment. It is a normal reaction at certain developmental ages, but can become problematic if it persists or severely interferes with normal functioning.

Separation Anxiety in Children

Many children exhibit separation anxiety as toddlers but outgrow these behaviors by around age 3 or 4. Signs may include:

Crying, pleading, tantrums, or difficulty being soothed when caretaker leaves
Clinging to caretaker, shadowing caretaker around the house
Physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches before separation
Trouble sleeping alone

If these behaviors persist beyond early childhood, seem extreme in intensity, or severely disrupt school or social functioning, professional help may be warranted.

Helping Children with Separation Anxiety

Strategies for parents and caretakers:

Reassure child calmly and consistently that caretaker always returns
Allow for extra time and patience around transitions
Provide familiar transitional object like stuffed animal or special blanket
Role play separations and practice self-soothing skills
Praise brave, calm behavior; don’t inadvertently reward clingy behavior

Separation Anxiety Disorder in Adults

While childhood separation anxiety usually subsides, some adults experience separation anxiety disorder, marked by:

Excessive distress when separated from those to whom they are attached
Fear of being alone due to imagined threats to self or loved ones
Physical distress symptoms like nausea, trembling, etc.
Inability to travel or socialize away from attachment figures

This distress and life impairment is beyond what is developmentally appropriate, persists for at least several months, and cannot be better accounted for by another disorder.

Managing Adult Separation Anxiety

Professional treatment is recommended. Helpful strategies may include:

Facing feared situations gradually with support
Learning and practicing relaxation skills
Cognitive-behavioral therapy to address catastrophic thinking
Group therapy to normalize experiences
Medications in some cases to ease associated depression/anxiety

FAQ

What age do most children outgrow separation anxiety?

Most children outgrow separation anxiety by ages 3-4.

What’s the difference between normal childhood separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder?

While some separation anxiety is developmentally normal, separation anxiety disorder is indicated by excessive, persistent distress that severely disrupts normal functioning.

Can adults develop separation anxiety if they didn’t have it as kids?

Yes, some adults do experience separation anxiety disorder without a childhood history. Possible contributing factors include trauma, major life changes, etc.

What self-care tips help manage separation anxiety?

Self-care tips include relaxation practices, journaling, limiting media/news intake, cognitive exercises to challenge anxious thinking, and reaching out for support from loved ones.

When should someone seek professional help for separation anxiety?

Seek help if the anxiety symptoms persist more than a few months, severely affect school/work/relationships, or are accompanied by depression, substance abuse, or thoughts of self-harm.