Understanding the Self-Centered Mindset
We all know someone who seems completely focused on themselves – who talks constantly about their own interests, needs and problems without showing much concern for others. While it’s easy to get frustrated with self-centered people, it helps to understand where this mindset comes from.
Common Causes of Self-Centeredness
There are a few common reasons why someone may develop a self-centered attitude:
- Low self-esteem – Focusing constantly on one’s own interests can be a coping mechanism for underlying feelings of inadequacy or lack of self-worth.
- Narcissistic tendencies – Some self-centered people have genuine narcissistic personality traits marked by grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
- Learned behaviors – Self-involvement can be a learned coping mechanism picked up in childhood from parental figures or early life experiences.
The Drawbacks of Self-Centeredness
There are several downsides to habitual self-centeredness for both the self-centered person and those around them:
- Strained relationships – Friends and family often feel unheard, devalued and exhausted by constant one-sided conversations.
- Limited personal growth – By being so inwardly focused, self-centered people have a harder time developing self-awareness, empathy and gratitude.
- Feeling disconnected – Ironically, the intense focus on themselves often leaves self-centered people feeling lonely and disconnected from others.
Cultivating Compassion and Understanding
Rather than frustration or judgment, self-centered people may benefit most from our understanding and compassion. Here are some tips:
- Model selflessness in your own words and actions when interacting with them.
- Set kind but firm boundaries around what behaviors you are willing/not willing to accept.
- Have an empathetic conversation about how their self-focus affects you and others in their life.
- Suggest counseling or coaching to help them gain self-awareness and relate better to others.
Focusing on Personal Growth
The best thing we can do is lead by example, tending to our own personal growth with compassion for ourselves and others who struggle with self-involvement.
FAQ
What causes someone to become self-centered?
Common causes include low self-esteem, narcissistic tendencies, and learned behaviors from childhood. Self-centered attitudes often develop as a coping mechanism for deeper personal issues.
Why are self-centered people so frustrating to deal with?
We get frustrated with self-centered people because conversations feel one-sided, their constant focus on themselves makes us feel devalued, and the relationship feels emotionally draining over time.
How do you get a self-centered person to change?
It’s very difficult to force change on a self-centered person. Leading by compassionate example, setting boundaries, having an empathetic conversation, and gently suggesting counseling can plant seeds for them to develop self-awareness.
What are signs someone is too self-centered?
Key signs of unhealthy self-centeredness include conversations that focus entirely on themselves, seeming lack of interest/concern for others’ wellbeing, constantly needing admiration or validation, and a sense of entitlement.
Why do some people only talk about themselves?
Reasons people excessively talk about themselves include narcissistic tendencies, underlying insecurities craving validation, lack of self-awareness, and learned communication patterns from childhood. With compassion, we can help them become aware of unhealthy self-focus.
