Letting Go of Someone You Love - How to Cope with Loss and Grief

Letting go of someone you deeply care for can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether it’s due to a breakup, death, or any other loss of that relationship, the grief and sadness you feel can seem unbearable.

Why Letting Go Is So Difficult

When you form an intimate bond with another person, they become intricately woven into the fabric of your life. Letting go means undoing all those threads that connect you, which is an extremely challenging process both emotionally and cognitively. Here are some reasons why it’s so hard to let go:

You’ve invested significant time, energy and resources into the relationship
The person played a major role in your life plans and dreams about the future
You derived a strong sense of identity, joy, meaning or purpose from the relationship
You have many fond memories attached to experiences you shared together
Letting go may trigger deep fears of loss, change, being alone or never finding love again

Be Compassionate With Yourself

Healing from a major loss takes time. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you grieve and process all the emotions that surface. Expect you will cycle through denial, anger, sadness, guilt and regret before reaching acceptance. This is normal, so don’t judge yourself for not being able to just “get over it.” Honor what the relationship meant without placing blame on yourself or your former partner.

Reflect on What You Gained

While the pain of loss often dominates early on, your memories likely also hold many positive experiences. Reflecting on the meaningful moments, laughter, personal growth and ways this person enriched your life can help bring more balance to your perspective. This will help you let go from a place of gratitude rather than bitterness.

Envision Your Next Chapter

Staring at a blank page for the next chapter of your life story can stir up anxiety after a major loss. But little by little, you can start painting a picture of what you desire next. What new hobbies, skills, relationships or adventures would excite you? Slowly shifting your mindset to how this transition can open new possibilities will ease some sadness and help propel you forward.

FAQs

How do you deal with losing someone you love?

Be gentle with yourself as you grieve. Seek support from close family and friends. Express your emotions through writing, art or joining a support group. Cherish the good memories while being realistic about the relationship’s flaws. Look for meaning and lessons in the loss. Envision how it opens possibilities for your next chapter.

How long does it take to get over losing someone?

There’s no set timeframe, as grief is unique for everyone. Most people start to adjust within a few months. But with a deep intimate bond, grief can wax and wane over the first year. Honor your feelings throughout, rather than trying to “get over it” before you’ve sufficiently grieved.

What happens when you lose someone close to you?

Losing someone close often leaves an intensely painful hole in your life that can impact all areas – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. The acute grief phase usually involves shock/denial, anger, guilt, sadness and regret. Self-care is key during this difficult transition. Over time, you gradually adjust around the loss to rebuild meaning and purpose.

Why is letting go so painful?

Letting go can feel incredibly painful because you are essentially severing the myriad interwoven threads that connect you to a loved one. This can impact your sense of identity and shake your basic human needs for love, belonging and connection. Be compassionate with yourself through all the ups and downs of loss and grief.

How do you start over after losing someone?

Begin with self-care essentials like getting enough rest, eating healthy foods and moving your body often. Lean on your support system for comfort and inspiration. Express your emotions creatively through journaling, art or music. Assess your priorities and interests to envision your next steps. Focus on small wins each day. Over time, you’ll discover your new normal.