How to Say How You Feel: Expressing Difficult Emotions for Wellbeing

Introduction

Expressing feelings, especially difficult ones, can promote mental health and wellbeing. However, it is a skill many struggle with. This article explores constructive ways to communicate feelings to nurture compassionate connections.

Accept and Understand Your Feelings

The first step is tuning into your inner emotional landscape without judgment. Emotions arise spontaneously and are not inherently “good” or “bad”. However, painful emotions often signal unmet needs. Reflecting inward helps you understand the roots of feelings before expressing them.

Choose Words Mindfully

When sharing feelings, especially challenging ones like anger or sadness, word choice matters. Using inflammatory language often elicits defensiveness. Instead, I statements like “I felt sad when…” describe the emotion’s effect without accusations. This invites mutual understanding.

Express Feelings Calmly

Emotional flooding hinders communication. If very upset, first calm your nervous system through deep breathing, grounding, or other soothing practices. Then, speak slowly, pause between sentences. This prevents the listener from feeling overwhelmed.

Empathize and Listen

Express feelings while also holding space for the other’s experience. Seek first to understand through empathetic listening before seeking to be understood. This creates an atmosphere for vulnerable sharing without knee-jerk reactions.

Take Responsibility

Own your part in any conflict arising from difficult feelings. Apologize if your expression unintentionally harmed another. Explain your good intentions in sharing, asking how to express it better next time. This models mutual accountability and growth.

FAQ

What if I’m uncomfortable with my feelings?

Feeling discomfort around emotions is very common. Befriend your feelings by listening inward with compassion. Your inner wisdom can then emerge to guide expression.

How do I start the conversation?

You could say something like “I have something vulnerable to share” then ask if now is a good time. This shows care for the listener’s space to receive before expressing.

What if they don’t understand?

Accept that no one can fully understand another’s inner world. You can ask clarifying questions to help them empathize. Even without agreement, feeling witnessed can ease painful emotions.

What if I start crying?

Let tears flow, they are a natural release. Breathe gently until you regain composure. The listener may feel moved to comfort you, opening greater connection.

What if they react poorly?

If met with blame or attack, calmly restate your positive intent in sharing. If needed, take space and revisit later when emotions have settled. Protect your peace.