Understanding My Need for External Validation
I used to rely heavily on external validation and praise to feel good about myself. As soon as that validation went away, my confidence and self-worth would plummet. I realized this pattern was unhealthy and preventing me from feeling secure within.
Working on Self-Validation
I started practicing self-compassion, speaking kindly to myself, and celebrating my own small wins each day. Over time, this helped me build an inner sense of validation rather than seeking it externally. I also worked on being less critical about mistakes and focused more on the lessons learned.
Letting Go of Perfectionism
My need for validation was often tied to perfectionism. I had to learn to be okay with being imperfectly human. When I stopped judging myself so harshly, I felt more peaceful internally. My worth wasn’t tied to things I achieved or accolades anymore.
FAQ
What causes an unhealthy need for validation?
Low self-esteem, childhood trauma like neglect, perfectionism, and social anxiety can contribute to looking externally for confidence and approval. The root is often feeling unworthy deep down.
How can you heal your inner validation junkie?
Practicing self-compassion, self-acceptance, letting go of perfectionism, finding internal security, rewarding yourself, and surrounding yourself with supportive people can help meet your need for validation from within rather than others.
Is needing some external validation normal?
Yes, humans are social creatures so it’s natural we like encouragement from others sometimes. The key is not basing your entire self-image only on what others think of you or needing constant validation.
What are signs you rely too much on external validation?
You feel devastated by criticism, you people-please excessively, your mood depends on compliments and praise, you feel insecure when alone, you compare yourself to others constantly, and you hide flaws worried about judgment.
How can parents foster healthy self-esteem in kids?
Unconditional love, empathetic listening, focusing praise on effort over intelligence/talent, teaching self-compassion, allowing mistakes help kids build confidence from within rather than seeking external validation.
